I'm just a regular-girl type. I love hangout, shopping, gossiping with my girlfriends...
Even i prove that i'm the naive one. (not trying to say all girls are naive, but i'm one of the naive girl)
just like those regular-naive-girl, I want a prince-alike-boyfriend.
The one that will bring me flowers everytime he came to my house, rich, handsome, have a great-built-body. nah, that's just a typical dream of every girls right?
Some people may call it silly, i agreed.
What do i offers anyway?
There this story goes.... (playlist for this story, Yiruma-Dream)
I experienced my first love in elementary school, to a boy i've known since kindergarten.
Funny because he knows me since kindergarten and haven't forgotten me since, even tho he wasn't like me that time, but he do remember me as a friend from our swimming course.
And i do forgot.
The first time he called me when i'm about to go to toilet or else. He called my name and i was like "huh, who are you?"
He said things like we used to be in swimming course together, blablabla.
I was shy that time, it's unusual to have a boy talked to me (we're just 4th grader that time!)
and as he goes by, i put interest in him (even i already forgot his name that time), but never meet him since.
We're passed to 5th grade. And funny thing happens again, turns out we're in the same classroom this time. Even the teacher decided we have to sit together.
I'm talkative, but not that talkative to a person i never even been closed with.
we're not talking that much, but i learned he's somewhat a very neat and clever person, which a total opposite of me.
We sat together for a week by not talking too much. it's usual to have a boy-girl relationship is some like of forbidden in elementary school. We're too young and foolish. haha
2 days we're not met each other (weekend), we met again and have some new stories from our weekend. Just as i sit and put my bag, we shared many things, talked, and laughed. i remember we used to have some kind of "Renungan Pagi" and we stole time to chat with each other. Giggled.
After that our teacher got angry and separated us. And i really feel bad.
I just about to know more about this boy!
Many things happens.... and I feel that first love. Even i'm not his. (he likes another girl that time, a girl that total opposite of me, sweet, shy, feminine-type)
I remember i've prayed to God.
"God i want him to be mine, please please pretty please" some kind like that. I'm that silly, I know...
Then we grow up more, and move to same Junior High School.
We had relationship once that time, in 7th grade if i'm not wrong.
And things got real awkward, I know we love and comfort with each other. But maybe we're just too young. We can't play and jokes around like usual. Then we decided to break up after a short time relationship (about 1 week i guess)
We had once again a relationship at High School. It's kind of "serious" one.
About 1 year and 3 months. And things happens, and I decide to broke up with him.
I thought that time, "he's not the one. I want someone who can make me happy" simply, I want that prince-alike boyfriend.
That rich, going everywhere with a car, eat lunch and dinner in fancy restaurants, etc.
And finally we moved on, or I thought "we" moved on. In any case, its just me that moving on, or trying to.
I met many guys, I dated them, even just a casual ones. And back off once things get even more serious. I never taste those crazy feelings like a butterfly on my stomach when they talked to me, that puts me to think, "have i lost my ability to love?"
I liked those guys, but I wasn't in love. And that's why I don't want to have relationship with them. I want to find ANY OTHER ONES.
Yes, i'm a total bitch, even my best friend said so -_____-
Years passed, and one day he offers me to love again.
I'm surprised, distracted, confused, and any else that I wasn't think I would fee. But my best girlfriend said so, she even brings me to shopping in the day where she could date her new boyfriend.
She said I looked real confused and lost, and I pretend i wasn't.
It hurts me so bad that I thought I couldn't accept his feeling, and tried to runaway.
But then I said it to him and we moved on, or I thought again..."we".
Its just me. Again.
By some thing happened. I realized...
All this time I haven't moved on.
I find any other guys and still couldn't feel anything. Because I do still have feeling for him, my very first love.
"First love isn't the first guy/girl you dated, it's the first feeling for someone. The first special feeling, that goes...'ah, you're the one I looking for all this time"
Maybe it's already late, or maybe it's not.
But I believe, love will always find the way.
And I finally realized my own feeling
:)
