its like i'm born like that. joking.
i've go through difficulties in elementary school.
i don't really have friends.
i once have best friends. persons that you talked to everyday inside and outside the classroom, when you reached home you'll called them and talking continuosly about what happened today, visited their house on weekend. i once have kind of friends like that. and i thought, "i'll be happy if we're continue like this, and we'll grow old together, schooling our children in same school," etc.
yep i was such young and stupid.
things don't go well of course, this is life baby.
somehow they found new friends and forgot about me.
i wasn't come from very rich family. i would prefer to say my family are blessed with enough money.
i like to treat my friends, we're still in elementary school before, some of my 'best friend' even can't buy food / even mineral water on cafeteria. so i bought for them. my mom taught me to shared foods / money also to my friends who had less.
and later i found out they only like me because of my treats. that time i found out i cried. and now i only laughed on how stupid i am before.
i grew older... i found many friends comes and by. some are good, some are fake.
and i thought its useless to cares so much to other people.
not that i become cold to other people, like i can't smile at all. no.
its only i don't really care to other people, even i don't find its necessary to remember their names.
by many times goes by,
i grow cold at heart.
i don't care even if someone in front of me is struggling or need a help.
because, "seriously i don't even know you why should i help?"
did i really need to go to hospital? lol
then something happened. i guess in the beginning of my first semester in college.
i had my first homework of a studio class. and i want to do it the very best i can so i could start with a good marks.
i don't really remember what's the homework, but i need to print it out.
and... suddenly my printer broke. and that homework should be collected tomorrow, and the time i finished homework is already night.
i panicked like hell, i tried to print it out on nearest place i know and it already closed.
i asked my closest friend and she said her printer is broken as well.
then i tried to contact all of my classmates whose i already known (that time is really really not much, like only 5-6 persons and i have 80+ classmates)
i asked a girl from my class, and turns out she's willing to help! seriously!
i surprised since i don't want to do that to someone i barely known.
(that girl become one of my best friends now :), you maybe forget but i won't)
and i slowly changing my mind.
even i'm not completely change, my 'cold' heart melted by the warmth of people's heart around me.
i guess God wants to show me that there's still good people out there.
and its heartwarming to helping other people.
even sometimes i still don't really care about people, but i don't really care about their matters.
if they asked my help, i'll be glad to help them.
i've read a story.
its about the world's stupidest tourist.
the tourist is on a trip and because he was stupid, he's been cheated to whenever he went.
during that time all his money, clothes, accessories, were cheated away from him. but the tourist was simply too stupid so they just simply took his things with a simple "thankyou for your help"
in the end, he was completely naked and he starting feeling embarassed so he went out into a forest to hide, but in the forest he met demons.
the demons wanted to eat him, so they come up with a skillful plan to cheat him. of course the tourist fell for it, offered an arm and a leg. and the very end the tourist only had his head left.
he even gave his eyes to the last of the demons.
that demon told him, while eating his eyes. "thankyou very much. i have a present for you as well." but that was a lie too, the so-called present was just a note saying "idiot"
but the tourist was so touched that he cried at this. "thankyou! oh thankyou! this is the first time ever i getting a present. im so happy, thankyou so much!"
and tears just came endlessly out of his empty eye sockets. the tourist was left out in the wild where he silently died...
scary eh?
its not the scary or stupid part ive thought of,
the tourist was never thought of only himself. which is really rare in this world.
for me, he's not an idiot. he's a very loving person and caring, i don't want to be cheated easily like that. but i want to start to cares for other people and become a person that have heart
because God gives us heart so that we have love for someone, for anyone. a heart that always do the kind things. because i do.. always attracted to personality before the appearance. and i want to be person that have beauty on the inside
